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my senior speech - Absent parents & effects: adverse childhood experiences

3/26/2025

How often do you meet someone who is lacking a parental figure? Have you ever thought about the impact of parental absence on the well-being of adolescents like us? Are children with one parent more prone to psychological problems?
Parental separation and especially biological father absence raises questions regarding its impact on offspring mental health. When parents separate or divorce, many children grow up without the presence of a parental figure -- most often without their biological father. 50% of children in the U.S. have divorced parents and 90% of those children live with their mother.
From what I have studied and felt first-hand, negative psychological experiences endured during childhood from parental separation and especially father absence very often result in lasting mental illness, troubles in relationships, lesser development and education, and lower self-esteem. Our familial situations undoubtedly define our personal growth, as our childhood and adolescence determine our future biological growth and development.
The primary role of parents is to prepare children for adulthood through discipline and support. Various studies have been made to explore the importance of parental presence in life, as humans need the credible and reliable support of parents who are there to provide for their basic physical and psychological needs. If they are not present, various psychological disorders in children, most commonly being anxiety and depression can occur along with lower self-confidence and self-esteem.
Parents not only encourage and enhance the child’s personality development but also influence their psychosocial development. According to a source published in 1982, the Journal of Mind and Medical Sciences, children and adolescents who live with both biological parents tend to be more stable, whereas it is proven that those raised in single parent families have a lower level of well-being during both childhood and adulthood. Children in single parent homes may develop a sense of insecurity, immaturity and loneliness. They are often less prepared to regulate their emotions and adapt to the demands of society.
Neurologist Sigmund Freud's assumption states that the presence of a mother and a father during childhood are the minimum necessities for appropriate sex-typed identification and normal child development.
Research associates healthy child outcomes with how they were parented. Children of uninvolved parents may generally have poor social skills and academic performance. Main aspects are increased attachment and decreased emotional skills due to the lack of emotional responsiveness received from their parents. Delinquency can also be seen in such children due to a lack of boundaries at home.
About 64 percent of adults in the U.S. reported they had experienced at least one type of adverse childhood experience known as the acronym A.C.E. before the age of 18. ACEs are potentially traumatic events that occur in childhood, between birth and 17 years. Examples include experiencing neglect, violence, or abuse, witnessing violence in the home or community, or having a family member attempt or die by suicide. Also included are aspects of the child’s environment that can undermine their sense of safety, stability, and bonding. Examples can include growing up in a household with substance use problems, mental health problems, instability due to parental separation and household members being in prison. Nearly one in six, or 17.3 percent of adults reported they had experienced four or more types of ACEs. Three in four high school students reported experiencing one or more, and one in five experienced four or more.
Therefore, preventing ACEs could potentially reduce many health conditions. Estimates show up to 1.9 million heart disease cases and 21 million depression cases that potentially could have been avoided. Preventing ACEs could reduce suicide attempts among high school students by as much as 89%, prescription pain medication misuse by as much as 84%, and persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness by as much as 66%. The CDC reports, “ACE-related health consequences cost an estimated economic burden of $748 billion annually in Bermuda, Canada, and the United States.”
Research has indicated that children would show negative emotions like anxiety, anger, and fear as responses to separation. Large-scale labor migration has been occurring in many areas of the world, leading to a number of children being left at home with the absence of needed parental care. In a different study found by the NLM and published in 2017, more than 4,500 children from rural areas in Jiangsu Province, China, participated. Among the participants, over 2,400 were children living with both parents and about 2,000 were children living with the absence of at least one parent. Because of the rapid urbanization of China in the recent 30 to 40 years, a considerable number of children in rural areas in China have been experiencing long-term parental absence, given their parents have migrated to urban areas. In the recent decade, research has paid particular attention to investigate the psychological status of the left-behind children in China. All participants responded to the Multidimensional Anxiety Scale for Children, the Epidemiological Studies Depression Scale for Children, and a question regarding their suicide ideation. Results indicated that as compared with children living with both parents, the left-behind children with both of their parents’ absence were statistically more likely to show suicide ideation. Left-behind children have shown to be more likely to have emotional disorders and behavior dysfunctions such as internet addiction, bullying behaviors and poorer performance in cognitive tests.
As found in developmental psychologist Urie Bronfenbrenner’s ecological theory, how an individual’s immediate surroundings - which includes one’s family - interacts with the child, influences the bonds the child creates with other individuals throughout life. A 2013 study published in journal Child Development noted how conflicted homes lead to a child’s lesser cognitive development. Another study published in 2014 by the Institute for Family Studies indicated that such children were more likely to have "poor interpersonal skills, problem solving abilities and social competence."
According to an article published in 2007 by the Father Involvement Research Alliance, infants of highly involved fathers, as measured by amount of interaction, including higher levels of play and caregiving activities, are more cognitively competent. These children may score higher on the Bayley Scales of Infant and Toddler Development. Infant and childhood development comprises cognitive, linguistic, behavioral, physical and social-emotional milestones.
School-aged children of involved fathers are likely to be better academic achievers. They are more likely to have better quantitative and verbal skills, have higher grade point averages and get better achievement test scores. Children of involved fathers are much more likely to live in cognitively stimulating homes. A father’s academic support was positively related to adolescent boys’ academic motivation to try hard in school. Also according to the Father Involvement Research Alliance, children of involved fathers are more likely to enjoy and have positive attitudes toward school, participate in extracurricular activities, and graduate. They are proven to be more likely to have higher levels of economic and educational achievement, as proven by their career success, occupational competency, better educational expectations, outcomes, and attainment.
Furthermore, infants whose fathers are involved in their care are more likely to be better able to handle strange situations and be more resilient in the face of them, be more curious and eager to explore their environment, and relate more maturely to strangers. Father involvement is positively correlated with children’s overall life satisfaction and their experience of less emotional distress, less expressions of negative emotionality such as fear and guilt, less conduct problems, greater sense of social competence, fewer anxiety symptoms, and lower neuroticism. Paternal acceptance is significantly and positively related to youths’ self-reported psychological adjustment. It has been found that children of involved fathers are more likely to demonstrate a greater tolerance for stress and frustration, have superior problem solving and adaptive skills, be more playful, resourceful, skillful, attentive when presented with a problem, and more able to manage their emotions and impulses appropriately. Children of involved fathers are more likely to demonstrate a greater internal locus of control and display less impulsivity. Daughters of involved fathers are more willing to branch out and try new things, keep busier, and are happier. Children of close fathers are more likely to have positive peer relations and be well liked. Their peer relations are typified by more generosity, less negativity and aggression. Adolescents who are securely attached to their fathers report less conflict in their interactions with peers. Therefore, a fathers levels of direct involvement are positively related to their adolescent’s friendship and peer experiences.
Conversely, negative paternal effects such as high levels of hostility, had significant direct and indirect effects on adolescent social behavior, which in turn predicted decreased peer acceptance.
Children of present fathers are more likely to have prosocial sibling interactions, show fewer negative emotional reactions during play with peers and solve conflicts by themselves. High paternal involvement was also associated with increased children’s feelings of their father’s acceptance, which is a factor that plays a role in the development of better self-concept and esteem. Young adults who had nurturing and available fathers while growing up are more likely to see themselves as dependable, practical, friendly and more healthy mentally. The variable that is most consistently associated with positive life outcomes for children is the quality of the father child relationship. Children who have participating fathers are more likely to grow up to be tolerant and understanding, be well socialized and successful adults, and adjust well to college both personally and socially. In addition, children who felt close to their involved fathers are also more likely to have long term, successful marriages, and be satisfied with their romantic partners in midlife. The strongest predictor of empathic concern in children and adults is high levels of paternal involvement with a child.
All three types of parental absence--father absence, mother absence, and both-parents absence were significantly associated with negative emotional outcomes. Thus, depression, social and physical anxiety were shown to be mediators in the relationship of parental absence and suicide ideation of children. Young adults' ratings of paternal nurturance and involvement were positively correlated with their reports of later psychosocial functioning. And considering how motherly bonds are the first that children create, their emotional withdrawal may have a great impact, causing abandonment issues that surface all throughout the psychological development of a child.
When humans have never connected with one of our parents, the feeling can often be described as a wound that is always open, commonly referred to as the “father wound” or the “mother wound.” We may ask, “Why me? How would it be different? What could I have done more?” Their absence makes us adopt self-limiting beliefs, often thinking, “People leave me, as they have always left. I don’t deserve attention or love. There is no time and space for me. I need to provide for others and their needs, otherwise they will become disappointed with me and eventually leave me.” Those with this mindset and beliefs must enter the relationship world in their adult life. Feeling less important is not something those brought up by uninvolved parents are always aware of. There is a feeling that it’s their fault for what has happened; this is the almost permanent narrative they had created in their head as children.
Children with absent parent(s) may get attached to partners who are emotionally unavailable or display narcissistic traits. This is where they are yearning to change the ending for that childhood loneliness. They try to please people, are overly available, sacrifice their dreams, and are kind until they feel unappreciated and disposable. Then they become upset or resentful, but at the same time, become guilty for setting boundaries. This is not something that they consciously choose; they choose it because it is familiar and they have been there before.
Another possible scenario that comes as a consequence of the absent parent wound is the protective wall built around the children by themselves, as they have experienced rigid boundaries, loneliness and disconnection. Children of absent parents stand at the point where they have already decided that relationships are hurtful and people will abandon them. Therefore, they might consider that they are making the best decision when not letting partners come too close. Those who have dealt with uninvolved parents may be people who are highly mistrustful or critical of others. There is typically anger accumulated inside of them for the parent who was unavailable. This anger may find outlet in other people, unrelated or insignificant triggers.
If one has grown up with an absent parent, and has or will become a parent, they may recognise subtle or obvious overwhelming feelings about parenthood. In some cases, they may overcompensate by becoming the exact opposite of their absent parent, displaying omnipresent and perfectionist traits. There is another category of people who don’t want to become parents because of their own experience of being in a broken family.
It is proven that children who endure parental absence or separation often develop psychological disadvantages. However, as young men and women, they can consider themselves more independent than most. There may be differences in development compared to peers with somewhat unblemished families; but as humans we all have yet to find a perfect family. Meanwhile, they can prove that children of absent parents are not only capable of raising themselves, but leading a life of independence and pride, proving themselves accomplished and even gifted.

Lauren Boone '25c0-editor-in-chief

Lauren Boone

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Lauren Boone '25
c0-editor-in-chief

Contact: [email protected]
4254 Colonial Ave.
Roanoke, VA 240189
(540) 789-7289