No means no, its not your fault

 Sexual assault. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is the “illegal sexual contact that usually involves force upon a person without consent or is inflicted upon a person who is incapable of giving consent.” But victims know what it really is. It is trauma, violation, isolation. 
Victims of SA are not affected only once. It is a daily struggle, a mental fight. Their body is no longer theirs. It is not what they were wearing, not the child’s nightgown, or the suit, not the cheerleading uniform. Not the pink sundress or the military uniform or the diaper. No. Not even the miniskirt. It was not what they said or how they acted. It was not the smile or maybe the glare they gave. It was nothing other than what it is. Abuse, criminal horrible, abuse. Assault, deadly traumatic, assault. A look or an outfit does not imply consent. 
Consent is a word and it is also a need. The dictionary defines consent as “permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.”
Sexual Assault doesn’t happen that much though, right? Wrong. According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC), nationwide, 81% of women and 43% of men experienced sexual assault in their lives. Those closest to you, those meant to protect you can be the ones that hurt you the most.  
Not only does it hurt the victim mentally and physically there is an average cost of $122,461 per victim, according to NSVRC.
One of North Cross’ clubs is Help Save the Next Girl. Led by Fiona Parnell ‘26, Emma Votta ‘26, Millie Chopski ‘26, Brandon Carey 26’, Mason Bibby ‘27 and Margaret Bass ‘28, on April 17, HSTNG dove into the scariest possibility we all face: sexual assault. 
A heartbreaking realization hit when we were asked to stand if we knew a survivor or if we were a survivor. The majority (only seven remained seated) stood up. Then, when we were asked to stay standing if it was reported, the number of people dramatically decreased. Why? Two words:victim blaming. Victims hear so many things implying that they deserved what happened to them. 
“It was probably that top…” Was it the top or the criminal that took something from their victim that they can never get back? “Well, you didn’t say no…” But did they say yes? Were they in the position to say yes? Or did their attacker make that decision? 
If you or someone you know has been assaulted, reach out to a trusted adult. If you are a North Cross student, Upper School counselor Sarah Cocowitch is always an available resource. If you do not feel comfortable reaching out to someone you know, RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) is an anonymous helpline where you can chat with trusted professionals. There is no causation for sexual assault. It is not your fault, not your mannerisms, and not your choice.